PERFECT PARALYSIS

PERFECTIONIST. I have been thinking a lot about this word lately. I am going to throw you for a loop here. I consider myself one. No, not the kind of perfectionist that has her life all orderly. No, that one is not me. I am the perfectionist that doesn't complete anything, because it will never be PERFECT. I am a PARALYZED PERFECTIONIST.

Example #1 - I start a diet EVERY Monday.

EVERY MONDAY.

EVERY SINGLE MONDAY since I was 19 and realized that the chips and salsa I eat frequently won't just disappear after chewing, but will, instead, rest comfortably on my backside till eternity. And...EVERY SINGLE MONDAY I fail by lunch. Not a big failure, but maybe a piece of cheese, or possibly a small crumble of brownie that stuck to the spatula, calling my name, sweet chocolaty goodness..OOPS! I licked it off.....

My Perfectionism (read: The evil one, abbreviated as MP from here on out) then tells my little dieting brain : "Forget it, lady. You might as well eat the whole pan, and give up for today. Your diet is SHOT."

That's not the truth though is it, folks? The truth is, I had a brownie crumble. BIG DEAL. Normal (not paralyzed perfectionist's) just move on and have a nice salad for dinner.

Example #2 - My House. Well...if you know me..there is no need to elaborate. Alan can't understand....but its rooted in some very strange form of perfectionism. Just check out www.flylady.net to learn more of this strange disorder.

I don't KNOW the perfect place for this paper, vase, missing game piece, plastic doohickey....therefore - I am going to just put it in this pile until I know exactly where to put it. And there it sits..till sometime in 2012 when I can't stand it any longer and deposit it in the trash. (where I could have put it in 2011, really) MP wins again.

Example #3 - This blog. Look at the date of the last post. Sad...really.

Example #4 - Memorizing the Word. Because of some personal convictions, I started this year, attempting to memorize God's word. The book of Philippians, to be exact. I did great for a couple of weeks, and then...because I fell a LITTLE behind. I pretty much stopped. MP had fed me the same old line, that seemed to work..."See, you can't do this. You have four little kids, you homeschool, you don't have time. And look how far behind you are! You'll never catch up."

Ugh. MP had won again.

UNTIL.... I decided to turn MP off.

God didn't ask me to be perfect. In fact, he knows I can't, won't and therefore SHOULDN'T make the attempt. Instead, His glory is made AWESOME by our weaknesses. He LOVES it when we depend on Him...."But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made PERFECT (my emphasis) in weakness"....2 Corinthians 12:9 I know I have quoted this verse before. But, it's just my mantra for this school year. His grace is sufficient.

His Glory is fully realized when I step aside and let HIM work. So, I prayed, and somehow started again. On the entire list stated above. God is so good, and with all my weaknesses, He has plenty of room to work around here.

*Note to my very small group of sweet blog followers. I AM going to try to be better. I AM.